The Subtle Art of Being Human in Consulting

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Nearly 2 weeks ago, I was at L8Conf in Warsaw, a conference dedicated to Leadership in IT. I had countless great discussions and gave people several pieces of advice for their problems. For me, this is natural—I don't feel like I'm giving more than I will want. But someone, after a pretty long and detailed discussion, shocked me with a question: Why am I doing this when it's my way to make money? I struggled to answer because it seems obvious to me—you have a problem, we're here together, talking, I have some ideas of solutions, then why not? When I can provide value, I share my opinion. Why not? Why should I consider saying, "Sorry, but this is usually a paid discussion for 100 Euro"? No—I don't see that as a valid response.

I decided to write about this after asking you just after the conference here on Substack what you thought. I am keen to explore the subtle art of being human in consulting. Not everything in my life must generate money, but also not everything that doesn't directly pay you is really free. I can monetize my free advice in multiple other ways. Small disclaimer here—I'm usually not thinking about this when it happens. I mean, I'm not calculating if saying something to this person will give me money in the future. For example, I never think, "Let's speak with this man since he's from company XYZ and I hope to get a deal from them this year." Strong NO—I've never thought like this. I just like to share, to help others, to inspire and be inspired, and get advice and feedback. Just like this! The value you can get back is the hidden gem of this. But when you think about it from a longer time perspective, there are strong patterns.

But since you asked, let me write much more about the topic: when consulting must be paid, why free pre-sales can be business-saving for you and is always worth starting with. Finally, what value you can get from free advice, including, of course, the personal satisfaction that comes from being able to help someone who needs it.

Let's look at topics for today's post:

"The Value Exchange Spectrum" - I leverage different levels of value exchange in consulting, from fully paid engagements to completely free advice. You need to understand when is the moment for which type of it.

"Pre-Sales as Strategic Filtering" - I transform potential client interactions through strategic pre-sales conversations, using free consultations to identify impossible requirements early and save everyone time and frustration.

"Conference Talks and Knowledge Sharing" - I utilize public speaking and knowledge sharing as both personal brand building and genuine contribution to the community. This approach creates a virtuous cycle of reputation, opportunity, and impact. Plus, it gives you a lot of satisfaction.

🔐"Building Long-Term Relationships" - I connect free advice with paid engagements in ways that create lifelong client relationships. This eliminates the transactional nature that often plagues consulting projects and builds trust that reaches beyond individual engagements.

🔐"The ROI of Generosity" - I employ approach to giving away expertise that ultimately drives more business and better outcomes. This combines the benefits of positive thinking with strategic business development.

Of course, I have also used traditional consulting approaches, like strictly billable hours and rigid scope management. But I think it's too obvious to write about it.

Okay, Now let's take a look at how I balance the human and business sides of consulting:

The Value Exchange Spectrum: From Paid Consulting to Free Advice

The consulting business works on a range of value exchange that's more complex than many realize. On one end, there are fully paid jobs—the core of consulting work. On the other end is free advice—when you share insights without expecting payment. The key is knowing when to work at different points on this range.

Recently, a startup founder at a networking event asked me about localizing their cloud infrastructure. Instead of immediately suggesting they pay me, I spent fifteen minutes outlining three approaches they could take. Why give this away? Because building the relationship was more valuable than immediate money. Even though startups aren't usually my customers, my good name and their enterprise connections might lead to business later through recommendations.

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Sorry, It can sound really transactional and let's name it craftily, but you can take such conclusions only if you spend enough time thinking on this like I have done last days. But let's get back to our range of consulting value.

Paid consulting is the heart of our business model. When clients hire us, they're not just paying for knowledge—they're paying for our attention, accountability, and commitment to results. They pay for solutions both technical and organizational they get - for knowledge itself, it's much cheaper to buy a couple of books and request someone to read them. The money in consulting creates a core cash flow that works for everyone in this business: clients get our best work, and we get paid fairly for our expertise and time.

But doing only paid work creates a transaction-focused mindset that limits both impact and income. Consultants who never give away value struggle to show their expertise before signing a contract. They miss chances to build trust through generosity. They started to be seen like plumbers, or other mechanics, a visit to your house means XXX cost, whether they fix something or not. Maybe medical business is even better example, you got paid doctor visit, and whether he knows how to fix your problems or not, you have to pay a premium for his time. Fortunately or not, for some people, consulting doesn't work this way.

Let's then deep into other value - giving exercises.

Free pre-sales meetings (I used to say pre-sales is just free consulting / advisory) fall in the middle of this range. They're technically free for the potential client, but they serve a purpose for the consultant. Plus, you can add the cost of them into the final offer to get payback. These talks help me screen prospects, understand their problems deeply, and see if there's a real fit between their needs and me, not only in skills but as well in work culture, etc.

I remember a pre-sales call with a manufacturing company looking for digital transformation help. During our talk, I realized their straight plan expectations wouldn't work with their old systems. Instead of taking on a project that would fail, I explained realistic timeframes, stages of this transformation and suggested they either adjust their expectations or look for an alternative solution. They appreciated the honesty, and while I didn't get that project, they referred me to another division with more realistic needs with less hard deadlines when my approach is acceptable.

Finally, the most overlooked part of this range is what I call "incidental consulting"—when someone asks a question at a conference, sends a LinkedIn message asking for advice, or when a friend mentions a business problem over coffee. These moments might seem small, but they build your reputation and network, and give you a chance to test.

What's important to understand is that movement along this value exchange range isn't random. Smart consultants make deliberate choices about when to charge high rates, when to offer lower fees, and when to give advice for free. These decisions should match your business goals, relationship strategy, and personal values.

I never thought about it before but relationship strategy when you give free can be your marketing budget, big companies do it purposefully, like when I worked on open-source at Intel. This work was 100% marketing engagement. To be honest, let's look at it also from CRM perspective, referral projects have a much bigger realization chance, then this is good invested time and money. Plus, usually, if you are a small consulting - it costs you mostly time.

Pre-Sales as Strategic Filtering: Saving Everyone from Impossible Requirements

Pre-sales talks are often misunderstood. Many see them as just paperwork or a necessary evil. But I've found they're actually very valuable: they help both me and potential clients figure out if we're a good match.

When done right, these early conversations act as a warning system for projects that might not work out. They let me spot impossible requests, unrealistic hopes, or basic mismatches between what the client wants and what I can do. This saves everyone from the pain of failed projects and damaged relationships.

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I remember a tech company that wanted me to build a complex Kubernetes system. In our first talk, they said they needed everything working within six weeks. From my experience, I knew this was impossible given their current setup and the complexity involved. Instead of saying yes just to get their business, I explained why their timeline wasn't realistic and what could actually be done in that timeframe.

They pushed back at first, mentioning another company that promised to meet their deadline. Six months later, they called me again. The other company had failed, and now they were ready to be realistic about the project. Because I was honest from the start, I earned their trust and gained a successful long-term client.

This screening works both ways. While I check if I can really help a client, they also check if my approach and skills match their needs, If our communication is efficient. This two-way check creates openness that helps the whole project.

I've developed a clear approach to these pre-sales talks:

First, I focus on understanding what outcome the client wants, not just their proposed solution. By asking "What business impact do you hope to achieve?" instead of "What do you want to build?" I often discover their true needs. In numerous cases, also recognize other more business stakeholders that can give you much wider perspective and propose another solution better related to business needs.

Second, I openly discuss limits—time, money, existing systems, people engaged. These limits often reveal impossible requirements that need to be addressed before work begins.

A couple of my recent projects faced challenging times simply because the customer didn't understand their team's engagement levels. When critical moments emerged, key people were unavailable, creating significant delays and complications.

Third, I provide real value during the conversation itself. I share insights, suggest resources, or offer perspective that helps them whether they hire me or not. This shows both my expertise and good faith.

Finally, I'm willing to say "no" or "not yet" when needed. If I don't think I can deliver what they need, or if they're not ready for the solution they want, I tell them so. This honesty might cost me immediate income but builds my reputation for integrity.

The best pre-sales talks don't feel like sales at all—they feel like the beginning of working together to solve a problem. They set up a pattern of honest communication and mutual respect that makes for effective consulting relationships.

Conference Talks and Knowledge Sharing: The Paradox of Giving Away Expertise

"Why would you give away for free what you could be paid for?"

This question came from a junior consultant at my workshop. I had just spent ninety minutes sharing detailed frameworks and methods, things that I can make money on some trainings or something. His confusion made sense—it seems strange to freely share the expertise you sell.

The answer is about how knowledge work operates in today's connected world. Unlike traditional thinking, sharing knowledge often creates more opportunities than it eliminates. This is especially true in consulting, where trust and proven expertise bring in business better than any sales pitch.

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When I speak at conferences, write articles, or post insights online, I'm not giving away my business—I'm investing in it. This sharing helps my consulting in several important ways.

First, it builds credibility and visibility better than regular marketing. Anyone can claim to be an expert, but publicly showing that expertise creates real trust. Word of mouth is a strong business lead channel.

Second, teaching forces me to clarify my thinking. When preparing for a talk, I have to make complex ideas simple and clear. This process improves my paid work. It also helps me build internal tools to make sure process is as automatic and clear as possible.

Third, sharing attracts ideal clients while keeping away poor fits. When potential clients approach me after seeing me speak, they already understand my approach. This means we start conversations already on the same page.

I once gave a talk about technology modernization at Infoshare (unfortunately in pandemic time and online). I was clear that successful modernization needs organizational change, not just technical updates. A couple of months later, a CTO who attended reached out specifically because of this view. "Most consultants just want to replace our systems," he said. "You're the first person I've heard acknowledge that our challenges are more fundamental and more culture oriented."

When deciding what to share versus what to keep private, I ask a couple of questions:

• Would this information be truly useful to the audience on its own?

• Can the audience use this knowledge and do the first step on their own using it?

• Does sharing this knowledge help my potential client to better understand what they should do?

• Does sharing these particular insights create demand for deeper expertise that I can provide?

This approach helps me make sound decisions about knowledge sharing that benefit both my business and my professional community. On one hand, I feel satisfaction knowing that people advance their careers thanks to my contributions. From a business perspective, I believe some of these professionals will eventually seek more specialized expertise from me, and at that point, my time and knowledge will be compensated appropriately.

As the saying goes, brilliant consultants are simply those who have read a couple of pages further in the manual than the customer.